Had a nice, slightly sad evening with Mom. We lay down on her bed for a while, looking out the open window, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees, not really talking (she had been crying in the kitchen earlier). Later, we went through some her books and movies and got together a good pile of stuff she doesn't want anymore. And she told me things, things I already knew but were good to hear. It made her seem even more human, more fragile, despite the strong front she puts up. She's going through a really difficult time right now. Echoes of what I've experienced came back to my mind, and as selfish as it is, it made me glad that I'm not going through the dark days anymore, the dark days she's experiencing now (and hasn't she had enough dark days, enough trials?) And, self-absorbed as always, it reminded me of how little my intense experience was based on, how quickly I fell to pieces, compared to the strong relationships others in my family have experienced, that had actual meat to them, that fell apart and warranted a strong reaction. But I don't feel ashamed. Just sort of empty.
I'm glad my sisters, my mom and I are all so close. They are my anchor.
You're my anchor, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope Mom can find lasting happiness somehow.
And I still think you had a right to feel the way you did. I remember certain guys that I felt I might have a connection with, through the meaning in their eyes or words, without ever being "official" with them -- and the pain I felt when they exited my life. It's legit. You're legit.
Tiffany you are such a talented writer. The way you express your emotions in this blog is like a smooth flowing river. Its beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I love you so so much! You are my anchor too!!
ReplyDelete