This is always the worst part. Coming back to the house after my sister is gone and trying to go back to my old routine. Both the house and my attempts to fall back are so empty. I can't concentrate on anything and I cannot muster an interest in doing anything, although I automatically cleaned the house, as if setting things to rights could eradicate the painful lump in my throat or fill the silence.

And with Julie, it's just so different. When Nikki left a few weeks ago, I was all ready to see her off. We had a fun weekend at Mt. Baker, but I can only take Nikki for so long. I love her and she is so inspiring to me. But she is also pushy, judgmental, and constantly frustrated with me. Around her, I can't be my loose, goofy, stupid self. I'm still me, just a different version, the way I am different with every single other person, I guess. But with Julie, I can be silly. We're closer in age, have the exact same problems socially and physically, and life doesn't have to be so damn serious all the time. She and I can clash too, but it's always okay.

Having her gone just emphasizes how lonely I am. She's my best friend.